Dirty word. I know. Women never like to admit it or talk about it… and especially not around men.
My daughter is the age where she is at least pre-menopausal. I see her struggling with who she is and how she has lived her life. I see her trying to cope with the emotions related to hormones and the very real loss of the choice. The choice to have children or not to. I see it in others I know too but I don’t mention it or even hint about it.
I remember feeling unattractive and I remember flirting a lot to get the attention that proved I still ‘had it’. I remember feeling sad sometimes and not knowing why.. finding whys. I remember my husband not understanding.
I’ve seen women make decisions during this time that they would not have made earlier (for better or worse). I’ve seen affairs start and end. I’ve seen pregnancies. I’ve seen what looks like emotional torture (from within). It’s a difficult time and very often women do not realize what is going on. They just know they need to do something..something to feel good and whole and wanted again.
My Mother understood and she tried to talk to me about what I was going through. I wouldn’t talk. She remained there though, constant and watching, not commenting on my extraordinary behavior. She knew. She let me make whatever mistakes I made and came to me with a hug when I needed it.
What I’m trying to say is that even if you do not know it is upon you or don’t want to admit that the “change” (as older females called it)… is coming, there are women who have been there, done that and have empathy. It is both a sad time and a happy time.
I like to call it ‘free from the biological imperative’. But damn, I hate to admit it but I actually miss my period!