New Beginnings

Dirty word.  I know.  Women never like to admit it or talk about it… and especially not around men. 

My daughter is the age where she is at least pre-menopausal.  I see her struggling with who she is and how she has lived her life.  I see her trying to cope with the emotions related to hormones and the very real loss of the choice.  The choice to have children or not to.  I see it in others I know too but I don’t mention it or even hint about it. 

I remember feeling unattractive and I remember flirting a lot to get the attention that proved I still ‘had it’.  I remember feeling sad sometimes and not knowing why.. finding whys.  I remember my husband not understanding.

I’ve seen women make decisions during this time that they would not have made earlier (for better or worse).  I’ve seen affairs start and end.  I’ve seen pregnancies.  I’ve seen what looks like emotional torture (from within).  It’s a difficult time and very often women do not realize what is going on.  They just know they need to do something..something to feel good and whole and wanted again.

My Mother understood and she tried to talk to me about what I was going through. I wouldn’t talk.  She remained there though, constant and watching, not commenting on my extraordinary behavior.  She knew.  She let me make whatever mistakes I made and came to me with a hug when I needed it.

What I’m trying to say is that even if you do not know it is upon you or don’t want to admit that the “change” (as older females called it)… is coming, there are women who have been there, done that and have empathy.  It is both a sad time and a happy time. 

I like to call it ‘free from the biological imperative’.  But damn, I hate to admit it but I actually miss my period! 

I’m watching her talk with Anderson Cooper.  This is the first time I’ve ever liked her.  She seems to have decided to be ‘real’ or she has changed.  I think a bit more humility is showing up.

There is something about the attitude of a woman over 40 or 45 in the entertainment industry that can make or break them.  I think it has broken Demi.  Madonna seems to be changing.  But it’s hard to become Dame Judi Dench when you’ve been sexy and attractive for most of your career.

I look at Jane Fonda, Demi Moore, Madonna, and then I look at the foreign actors who seem to understand how to move from 20 something to 50 something or more without so much as a pause. 

It isn’t fair that in the USA, as a woman you must remain perfectly toned and perfectly beautiful as you age… whereas men are allowed to age, get wrinkles, get fat and bald… and still get the great roles.  I think this is universally true of not only movie people.. but in everyday life.  Perhaps, as women, we have ourselves to blame. 

When we start thinking about silicone, face lifts, and very expensive face cremes; when we continue to wear the clothing of a 13 year old; when we do not present ourselves as not a 40 or 50, or 60 something sensual woman is when we lose. 

Madonna made me think.. imagine that.